Empowering Leaders to Make a Difference
By Irina Baranov, Director of Marketing, Council for Relationships
In November, CCPA president emeritus Krista Bard invited Matthew and Terces Engelhart to Philadelphia for an event that promised to be fast, furious and juicy… and indeed it was.
The Engelhart’s intention for the day was to influence, empower and create leaders who are ready to make a difference in the world, and ready to build sacred commerce and sacred communities. They came to Philadelphia to give a small group of people an experience, filled with ideas that would alter the rest of their lives. They asked people to share openly – particularly the difficult things.. the things that they didn’t particularly want to share.. to stretch up their hands and step out of their comfort zones, which is the only way to create something new.
The following are key points from their workshop:
Businesses can be the places where people “wake up.” They are the new ashrams.
There is no absolute “truth” in business (or in life) – just particular viewpoints. All we need to do is try them on for size and see if they fit.
Whatever experience we are having (good or bad), we are creating it. We can always exercise power in choosing what kind of experience we wish to have (personal and professional).
The Engelharts have created a very successful business by creating communities of amazing, caring human beings. They actually try to talk people out of working for them during the interview process.. they explain that if they come on board, they will constantly be pushed to confront what/who they’re afraid of being.. on a daily basis. But the end result is a committed, passionate, caring group of people who make Gratitude Cafe what it is.
One of the major factors of success (personal and professional) for their employees is the fact that they all get daily “Clearings” (which is a $250k budget line item!) – clearings are done daily for everyone and consist of a 3-5 minute conversation where two people are fully present, with the following questions/statements: 1. “What is distracting you (or missing or wrong) right now, that’s keeping you from fully enjoying the present moment?” 2. Reflect back – “this is what I heard you say..” 3. “What does it feel like for you when this is happening?” 4. “Tell me what you love about your life” 5. “I’d like to acknowledge you for..” (sincere noticing/compliment – not necessarily related to what they said, just truly stated from a very ‘present’ place).
An alternate clearing experience is the following:
1. What do you want to be forgiven for?
2. What do you want to acknowledged for?
The goal of the listener/clearer is to be a Zen mirror, with no reactivity and no solutions (when you start fixing or helping someone, it automatically moves their thoughts/feelings/issues into “problem” mode vs. just passing clouds).
Listening is the highest form of loving. It is empowering. Let people have their experience, and let it pass.
The only place you can give/receive love is in the present moment. The Ego cannot give/receive love – it only lives in the past (regret, remorse) or in the future (anxiety, anticipation).
There’s nothing – nothing – that can’t be healed.
Shift from an evidence-based world (he stole, therefore he is a thief) to a faith-based world (he is a loving human being who is wounded). Send the message – “there’s nothing you can do that will make me stop loving you.” Don’t give up on people. Your job is to see in someone what they can’t see in themselves. If you see what’s wrong, “wrong” shows up.. but if you go from faith and see (sincerely) brilliance, then brilliance starts to shine. People tend to “show up” exactly as we create them in our minds.
Get passionate, act. What’s a big enough vision to get you out of bed every morning, all lit up?
Your level of involvement in your community will determine everyone’s level.
Failure is OK. All it means is that you played a “big game”.. that you went all out!
There are 4 basic tools that the Engelharts shared:
1. Clearing (see above)
2. Acknowledging (can be done spontaneously, by asking someone what they’d like to be acknowledged for, or asking someone to acknowledge you – this is not a “norm” of our culture, but it can be cultivated/practiced and has wonderful benefits). We restore love by acknowledging. The best way to acknowledge is to focus on the being (thank you for being so thoughtful), which elevates a person’s sense of self. We can actually start calling into being the qualities that we’d like to see present from someone else. When we affirm into presence the unseen, it tends to show up.
3. Apology. A leader always takes 100% responsibility and apologizes first. It is the only place where real power resides (self-responsibility). We can take responsibility not only for what we say/do, but also for where it lands. An apology is different than being sorry – you don’t have to be sorry – just responsible and owning your part of the created situation. An apology will always free and elevate you, regardless of what the other person does with it (accepts, rejects, ignores, etc). You can even apologize to someone who you think has wronged you, for judging them as bad/incomplete/etc.. (i.e. “I apologize for being untrusting of your awakening process and not loving/accepting you unconditionally. I am no longer committed to that. I am committed to experiencing you as the extraordinary person that you are.”)
4. Making a request. Operate your relationships (personal and professional) from a standpoint of integrity. Make straightforward requests and truly give the receiver of the request to say yes, no or counteroffer. Remember that a no is not a personal statement. It is simply someone else’s inability to meet your request right now. You have to develop the ability to both hear and deliver a clean “no,” so that you can have the freedom to give a clean “yes.”
More information about Terces and Matthew, their journey, and Cafe Gratitude can be found at www.cafegratitude.com
